Healthy Marriage Program Offers Couples Tips to Help Survive the Holidays

CLEARFIELD – With the arrival of the holidays, many of us experience an odd mixture of excitement and dread as we prepare to celebrate the season.

We get excited about the lights, shopping and Christmas dinner with family, but we also fear the stress that past holidays have taught us to expect. From previous family misunderstandings to scheduling conflicts, tight finances and the wear and tear on the body, holidays have a way of taking their toll on us and our relationships.

The Healthy Marriage staff would like to offer some tips to keep your relationship strong throughout the stress of the holidays:

 1. Talk about expectations. As the holiday pace and tensions increase, so do conflicts. When you’re constantly on the go, you get more tired, and the more you tend to expect your spouse to pick up the slack. When these unfair expectations don’t get met, it’s easy for both of you to feel resentful. Talk with your partner about what expectations you have and make sure they are reasonable.   
 
Tell your mate why it’s important that you stay up ’til the wee hours baking cookies and writing personal notes on Christmas cards. Listen to your mate. Make decisions and discuss specific plans together, such as for Christmas activities, parties, decorations and gifts- Who’ll do what and when? How much should we spend? Which parties will we attend, etc?
 
2. Put your marriage and family first. It’s hard to take care of each other when you’re worried about disappointing others. Don’t sacrifice your spouse’s needs in order to please every other family member.  Decide together what you want to happen for Christmas. You don’t have to go to a party just because you were invited to it. Pace yourself and find the balance.

3. Enjoy the fun of joint accomplishment.  When holiday preparations fall on one person’s shoulders, it isn’t good for either spouse. The one with the heavy workload feels resentful; the other partner feels useless and disconnected. Seek a balance of duties and agree on priorities before the rush begins. To create a balance, let some duties go, and mix up other chores.
 
4. Discuss your budget and respect it. If one spouse splurges on a gift for her sister, then it’s easy for the other to I feel “justified” to splurge on a gift for his brother. It’s always easy to find ourselves extended beyond our budget. Especially when money is tight, it’s not fair to overspend and then expect your spouse to support your purchases.  Commit to sticking to the budget no matter how great the sales are!

5. Set a date night in December. Too many “must-do” events leave no time for you as a couple. So plan a night out-or “in” after the kids are asleep. If you can’t schedule one, then maybe you’re over-committed.

6. Keep in mind the best gift you can give.  Love expressed through caring actions to meet your mate’s needs is the best gift you can give. So nurture your marriage and see love reduce tension.  As we celebrate Christmas, let’s not forget during this season of “busy”-ness what really matters.   Don’t confuse giving love with giving gifts. Although gifts can be an expression of your love, so are your time, your affection, and your words of affirmation.

To help couples strengthen their marriage through the holidays, the Healthy Marriage Program is offering a free 8-hour workshop on Saturday, December 11^th from 9-5 at the Country Hearth Inn in Clearfield.   Lunch will be provided and couples will receive a gift card for attending.  Child care is also available.  

During this free interactive, fun-filled workshop, married couples will gain tips on talking to their partner and really being heard, keeping the fun and friendship forever, building commitment that will go the distance and solving problems as a team.   Following the workshop, couples will be invited to participate in a special holiday date night. 

For more information on the Healthy Marriage Program or to register for the workshop, contact Children’s Aid Society at 814-765-2686 ext. 225 or email healthymarriage@childaid.org. 

Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant: 90FE011. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United Sates Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.