Discipline is an ongoing process. Discipline is about guiding your child in ways that support her development of self-control and enhancing her self-worth. Discipline includes the way you talk to your child, the way you treat her, and the way you live. Discipline is the way you help your child respond to the day-to-day events in her life. Children and teens really need consistent discipline to understand the rules of life.
I’ll share some tips to help you discipline your child effectively. Begin by setting reasonable limits which offer realistic guidelines for your child and help her to feel secure. Yes, these limits will change as your child grows and matures. When you set limits, stick to them and be consistent. If you don’t stick to your limits, then it appears that the rules continue to change day-to-day. This will confuse your child and she may misbehave due to the confusion. Your child should have no doubt what the established limits are.
Use consequences and let your teen learn from experience. You can tell your child ahead of time what the consequence will be for misbehavior. Remember that consequences will give your child choices. She may choose to go against the rules, and when this happens you need to accept this decision, and then enforce the previously stated consequences. Many years ago I read that a well disciplined child does what is expected of her, even when no one is watching. Is this a goal you have for your child?
If a rule is broken, take corrective actions as soon as possible. It is important to correct misbehavior soon after it occurs. If you don’t follow through with the consequences, what does this teach your child? Consequences need to be enforced when you’re in a good mood or bad mood, weekdays and weekends, each month of the year.
If needed, take a short “cooling off” period. This gives you and your teen a chance to control any anger you are feeling. Cool down time should be relatively short; just enough time to regain control and then discuss the issue at hand.
Be careful not to confuse discipline with punishment. Discipline helps your teen to develop self-control and self-esteem. Discipline teaches right from wrong. Punishment may stop the misbehavior, but does little to teach acceptable alternatives and can damage your parent/child relationship.
Don’t be fooled into believing that what works one time will work all the time. You will need to change the way you discipline your teen to keep pace with her growth. Different ages will require different techniques. Don’t put yourself down if you don’t get the results you want. Think the situation through and try another approach if needed.
Remember that all children are unique and special. Children develop at their own speed, and in their own way. Siblings in the same household will develop individually and will respond to a variety of discipline techniques. As a parent, forget trying to “win” every battle. It is important to carefully pick your battles with your teen. Not everything is worth discussion or disagreement.
If you and your spouse disagree about discipline, do so privately. Children need to see a united home front; or they will begin playing one parent against the other. Once started, you may not be aware this is happening. So this is a game you’ll want to avoid playing.
Additional information is available from your local office of Penn State Cooperative Extension. In Clearfield, the office is located in the Multi-Service Center, or by calling 765-7878. In Brookville, the office is located at 180 Main Street, or by calling 849-7361. Penn State is committed to affirmative action, equal opportunity, and the diversity of its workforce.
