Becoming a mother changed my life in many ways, but one of the most profound and unexpected consequences is that I became unable to watch children suffer without putting my own kids in their shoes. How would I comfort my daughter if she had to go days without adequate food? How could I ever make her feel safe if our house was destroyed by war?
Like so many around the world, I was haunted by those images of Syrian toddlers washed up on the shores of Turkey and little boys stunned into silence by violence in Aleppo, unable even to cry. What if that were my son?
What good would the world’s sympathy do, if no one would act to help him? Or worse, what if his suffering persisted because people who had the power to help him perceived him as a threat to their safety?
Feeling sorry wasn’t enough for me anymore. I needed to take action. I decided to get involved in my own community supporting Syrian refugee families in whatever way I could.
I contacted my rabbi to see if we might organize our synagogue community to help. He told me he had already reached out to Church World Service, an agency that aids in the resettlement of refugees from around the world. We could co-sponsor a refugee family with CWS and help them adjust to life in America.
A few weeks later I was at the airport with three other members of my Jewish community, waiting to welcome a refugee family to their new home in New Jersey (They have asked that we not use their names for fear of retribution against family members still in Syria). After 20 hours in transit and four hours of processing in immigration, the refugees walked down the long ramp from the immigration office at Newark airport. While they speak almost no English and were understandably exhausted and nervous, their hope and optimism were unmistakable.
It is hard to believe this family has been in New Jersey only a week. The two youngest daughters have already registered for school and will start attending class in just a few weeks. The father, mother, and older child are applying for jobs. They have started taking English classes. They have been shopping at Target and Old Navy.
President Trump said he will sign an executive order on Wednesday that will ban Syrian refugees from entering the United States.
He is not banning people looking to harm us. He is keeping out people — like the family I have come to know — who just want to live normal, American lives.
They haven’t spoken much about their lives before they arrived in America: their flight from Syria to Turkey and the conditions of their lives there while they waited to hear news of their resettlement. I hope one day they will feel safe enough to share their transit story with me. But I am sure that their routine now is a far cry from their lives before they arrived here.
Of course, not everything has gone smoothly. When one of my fellow committee members showed up with the family and all their necessary documentation at the Social Security office, after hours of waiting they were turned away. As new arrivals, their information hadn’t yet been processed by immigration and the Social Security office did not have the necessary data to process their application. There was nothing the volunteer or family could do. They will have to try again.
And there are cultural adjustments that have been hard to navigate on both sides. The day after the family arrived, their caseworker from CWS visited to check on them and to distribute a small amount of pocket money to tide them over until their food stamps and cash assistance kicks in. She handed one envelope to the father and one to the mother. The mother immediately handed her envelope of cash to her husband. Their interpreter explained to them that in this country men and women are equals.
This family has made an enormous impact on me and my husband and children. They are a loving, smart and resilient family, and my life is better for having met them. Being with them as the reality of their newfound freedom sinks in has made me love and appreciate my country more than I ever have. They are eager to get on their feet and contribute and I have no doubt that their contributions will make our nation stronger. And they have a 6-year-old daughter, just like me.
President Trump has said his refugee ban is necessary to protect our country, and his executive order reads, “We must ensure that those admitted to this country do not bear hostile attitudes toward our country and its founding principles.”
In addition to suspending the admission of refugees, he wants to cut in half the total number who could be admitted.
It’s easy to get lost in the global scope of the refugee crisis and the tough language of our new President’s insistence that we need tighter vetting. It’s too easy to forget the human reality of what it’s like to be — or to welcome — a family seeking solace and a new life.
One thing I know is this family is so grateful to be here. When my husband met them for the first time, just a few days after they arrived here, he asked them how they are adjusting. “We love America,” they said. Whenever we see them, every meeting starts and ends with kisses on each cheek and the words “thank you.”
