El Chapo’s demands. Kim’s plans. And Trump’s hands. It’s Friday, and here are the five things you need to know to Get Up to Speed and Out the Door.
CAMPAIGN 2016
Must-see TV: Backstabbing. Insults. Secret plots. Yes Amazing Race: GOP Edition is the best show on air, and it had its best episode yet yesterday. Let’s review:
— The old nominee (Mitt Romney), a character we all thought had been written out, returns and calls the wannabe nominee (The Donald) a phony and fraud. The Donald, in turn, calls Romney a “choke artist.” Oh, and Romney put in motion a plot to swipe the nomination from Trump at the convention (Gee, we wonder why?).
— Later, at the debate, The Donald goes there to assure a worried nation his hands are, in fact, not small. He spars with “Little Marco” (who still thinks he’s Don Rickles) and “Lyin’ Ted,” who’s found 101 uses for the phrase “true conservative.”
— The show has something of a mid-season cliffhanger on March 15, when everyone not named Trump hopes the day’s primaries and caucuses trip him up into a brokered convention. Even if that doesn’t work, this thing is definitely headed for a fantastic fall finish.
(Here’s the debate in 90 seconds … and in gifs. Here’s the best of Romney throwing shade … and the rest going at it.)
NORTH KOREA
Nuke kid on the bloc: Another day, another bit of bluster from North Korea. As usual, it comes straight from the top, with leader Kim Jong Un demanding the country’s nukes be ready for use “at any time.” Folks in the know say Kim’s audience for this is more inside the county than out of it. And one observer notes the North isn’t crazy: “They know that if they … used nuclear weapons, they would cease to exist.” Then again, it is Lil’ Kim.
SYRIA
Let there be light: The power went out yesterday in Syria, but that’s not really news, since electricity has been anything but dependable during five years of war between the regime, rebels and ragtag terror groups. What’s newsworthy about this outage was that it was nationwide. Militants hit a power-generating station with rockets earlier, but it was unclear if that’s what pulled the plug. No word on how the lack of juice was affecting the truce.
EL CHAPO
Well, it’s not a Holiday Inn: We knew Mexican prisons were no picnic. But when notorious drug lord Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman says he’d rather be extradited to America (where he’s wanted in seven states), it tells you just how crappy things have gotten for him since he pulled that break-out-of-jail stunt. El Chapo says the the isolation, cold cells and lack of sleep is turning him into a zombie. Officials say he’s playing the world’s smallest violin.
MIGRANTS
Lip lock: Hunger strikes didn’t work. Neither did trying to hang themselves from a tree (they tried that in Athens). So, some migrants at a camp in northern France stitched their mouths shut to call attention to the deplorable conditions there. Local officials said such an extreme protest was unwarranted. But the migrants reaction seemed to be — do we have your attention now?
BREAKFAST BROWSE
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Tax revolt(ing)
Did you know some states levy a “tampon tax?” Because they consider feminine hygiene products “luxury” items. Yes, really. <facepalm>
Them’s the breaks
The Blade Runner’s request to appeal his murder conviction has been rejected, so it’s on to sentencing. He faces 15 years in prison.
A header for science
U.S. soccer icon Brandi Chastain says she’s donating her brain to Boston University to help study CTE. Because concussions aren’t just for football.
Finger lickin’ lie
KFC’s new Colonel Sanders is black! At least that’s what the world thought for a few hours yesterday. Turns out David Alan Grier was just kidding.
Baked Alaska
It’s unusually warm in Alaska, and it’s hard to race dogs in the snow without, um, snow, so Iditarod organizers hauled in 300 cubic yards of the white stuff.
Number of the day
$1 million+
Value of seven Ty Cobb baseball cards a family found at the bottom of a crumpled paper bag while cleaning out great grampa’s house. Score!
AND FINALLY …
Face/On
If you didn’t shell out 99 cents for FaceSwap Live yet, you’re missing out. Though we doubt you can use it in such genius fashion.
