A deceased terrorist. A released spy. And the imprisoned ex-Subway guy. It’s Friday, and here are the 5 things you need to know to Get Up to Speed and Out the Door.
PARIS ATTACKS
Never mind the mastermind: Abdelhamid Abaaoud, the suspected ringleader of the Paris attacks, is dead. He was blown to bits during Wednesday’s police raid at the suburban Parisian apartment where he was holed up. So, it’s time for you to learn the name of another suspected attacker: Salah Abdeslam. He was last seen on his way toward Belgium hours after the attack. French police stopped him but then let him go, not realizing he was linked to the bloodbath in the capital. Now, he could be anywhere.
JONATHAN POLLARD
Spy games: Jonathan Pollard was a Navy intelligence specialist who leaked top-secret docs not to a U.S. foe but a friend, Israel. Still, the government argued, stealing is stealing. They threw him in prison for 30 years and repeatedly fought his release. So much so, the case became a nagging irritant in U.S.-Israeli relations. The good news for Pollard: He’ll be released today. The bad news: He can’t go to Israel.
IMMIGRATION
About that wall: Now, isn’t this interesting? A new study finds that more Mexicans are leaving the U.S. than coming in. Among the reasons: a slow economic recovery here. This news would be a big deal, except the pols are now focused on something else: refugees. Yesterday, the House passed a veto-proof anti-refugee bill. Ben Carson compared some refugees to “rabid” dogs. And the Donald wants a national Muslim registry to protect the country against terrorism. <facepalm>
JARED FOGLE
Sub-human: It’s easy to make cheap jokes about ex-Subway pitchman Jared Fogle. But what he did is no laughing matter. He not only peddled in child porn; he had sex with kids. (His lawyer, seeking leniency, actually argued Fogle only had sex with girls who were 16 and 17; not, you know, younger children). At a hearing yesterday, a tearful Fogle struggled to explain his actions. “Where do I even try to begin?” He’ll have plenty of time for reflection. He’ll be spending the next 15 years in prison.
HOTEL SIEGE
Under fire: Two armed men have taken 170 people hostage at the Radisson Blu hotel in Mali’s capital, Bamako. No one’s claimed responsibility, but it could be anyone. Three months ago, there was a similar incident in which the attackers belonged not to ISIS but to another Islamist group, the Macina Liberation Movement. (Their goal:bring the Malian military to its knees) Today’s attack is troubling because just yesterday, French President Francois Hollande talked about how his troops had successfully beaten the Islamists in Mali.
BREAKFAST BROWSE
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Quote of the day: “Women find it very difficult at times – some women – to find music”
— Jimmy Iovine, while touting Apple Music’s curated playlists, proves that while he’s got a great ear for discovering talent, he’s tone-deaf when it comes to women.
Ex’s and the oh, oh, oh’s they haunt me: Not anymore. Facebook’s new ‘Take a break’ feature limits what you see about your ex. Or, you could always just unfriend her.
All our agents are busy assisting other fanatics:
ISIS has 24-hour tech support. No — really.
Burning love:
STD cases are rising suddenly. Why? The CDC says it may be because men are having “condom burnout.” Seriously, guys?
How low can it go?
Just in time for Thanksgiving, gas prices are at their lowest level in six years. It’s like 2009 all over again (minus the recession, of course).
WHAT’S FOR LUNCH
Here’s what’s coming up later.
It’s Friday, I’m in love
“The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2” and the new Adele album out on the same day? What the what?
AND FINALLY
Your moment of Zen
We always thought cuddle parties were kind of hokey. That is, until we witnessed an otter cuddle puddle!
