Parents of teens quickly learn that the teen years are full of ups and downs. You learn to expect the unexpected. It’s a lot like riding a roller coaster. Even when you know the highs and lows are coming, you still get caught by surprise and experience quite a jolt at the time. One day your daughter is acting so maturely that you wonder if she’s your daughter. The next minute, she’s throwing a fit like she did when she was eight years old. You never seem to know which daughter she’ll be when she walks through the door. You can’t predict how she will react to any given situation.
To be a good parent involves being a good teacher. When your child was young, you taught her many things: how to dress herself, tie her shoes, brush her teeth, and ride a bicycle; as well as how to relate to others and act like a civilized person. By the time she’s a teenager, she appears so capable and responsible that you might forget that she hasn’t mastered everything yet.
There is a long list of skills your teen needs to know from you – practical skills such as how to apply for a job, drive a car, do the laundry, fix a meal and balance the checkbook. Teens need lessons in money management, time management, conflict resolution and social skills.
Teens also need to learn more intangible things, like how to lead a balanced life, how to nurture themselves, and how to act respectful towards other people. An underlying message should be ‘responsible independence.’ All the things you’re teaching add up to giving your teen more and more responsibility for her personal freedom. But her ability to carry this responsibility doesn’t usually come about in an orderly fashion. It’s more of a one-step forward, two-steps backward approach.
Remember when you taught your child to tie her shoes? She didn’t quite have the correct method, but she tried to do it anyway. She often got frustrated when she couldn’t do it the first time. When you tried to show her again, she got irritated, cried, and walked away from you. But you continued to keep teaching until she got it correct.
Well it’s the same with your teen. She’s ready to take on new freedoms and responsibilities even though she hasn’t mastered all the skills. You show your teen what she needs to know; unexpectedly she’ll get impatient and yell at you. When this happens, don’t over react. It takes a ton of effort to stay calm, but it’s worth the effort. Just as your daughter learned to cross the street by herself, she’ll learn to be responsible for herself if you keep on guiding and teaching.
Additional information is available from Andrea Bressler at awb1@psu.edu; or http://clearfield.extension.psu.edu; and your local office of Penn State Cooperative Extension. In Clearfield, the office is located in the Multi-Service Center, or by calling 765-7878. In Brookville, the office is located at 180 Main Street, or by calling 849-7361. And in Ridgway, the office is located in the Courthouse, or by calling 776-5331. Penn State is committed to affirmative action, equal opportunity, and the diversity of its workforce.
Andrea Bressler, Penn State Cooperative Extension
