Since summer has officially begun, I thought we’d have a little fun this week in Morelli OnLion.
If you are like me, you are going through withdrawal. There’s little football news to speak of and my favorite television show, “American
Idol,” just wrapped up its season with David Cook upsetting the heavily-favored David Archuleta.
So, in today’s edition of Morelli OnLion, we’ll look at what would happen if “American Idol” joined forces with the Big Ten Network.
We’ll also have our weekly non-rev roundup.
This Is … Big Ten Idol
Let’s not mince words here. The Big Ten Network is struggling.
The all-Big Ten, all-the-time television network, which launched back at the start of the 2007 football season, is having a hard time
filling its airwaves since football season ended back in January.
We’ve seen plenty of Big Ten softball, baseball and spring football games, but no big broadcast that will pull viewers in and keep them.
Heading into the summer months, the Big Ten Network needs an eye-catcher, something that will get people talking all summer long.
And I’ve got just the show. “Big Ten Idol.”
It would be like the hit FOX show “American Idol,” except no one would be singing. Instead, we could cart out the conference’s top coaches
and the judges could critique their spring games.
Hey, FOX has a vested interest in the BTN. It could happen. If it did, it would probably go something like this:
RYAN SEACREST: Hey everyone and welcome to season No. 1 of Big Ten Idol. We have 11 teams, but only one will be crowned champion at the
end of the season. Who will it be? There’s no singing, but we will talk an awful lot of football. Let’s get started and welcome our judges, Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell.
RANDY: Yo, Ry. What’s goin’ on baby?
PAULA: I love football.
SIMON: I thought we were critiquing soccer. That’s real football, you know.
RYAN: Before we get started, we need to set some ground rules. First of all, this is only an hour show, so we didn’t have time to bring in
all of the Big Ten’s coaches. Only the best. We’ve narrowed it down to Ohio State’s Jim Tressel, Michigan’s Rich Rodriguez, Illinois’ Ron
Zook and Penn State’s Joe Paterno. Let’s start with the new guy and bring out Rich Rodriguez.
RICH ROD: Hi everyone. It’s great to be coaching in the Big Ten. I’m honored to be up here with legends like Jim Tressel and Joe Paterno.
RYAN: Coach Rodriguez, it’s your first season in the Big Ten. Any concerns coming from the Big East?
RICH ROD: Not really, Ryan. Football is football, ya know?
RYAN: Yes, and a contract is contract. Why do you think I’m still hosting “American Top 40?” But that’s a story for another day. The
judges have watched your spring game on tape. Let’s see what they thought.
RANDY: What’s up baby? You chillin’?
RICH ROD: Excuse me?
RANDY: Yo, so check it out dawg. I watched the tape and it was just aight for me. I mean I like the spread offense and all, but man, you
got Steven Threet as your quarterback. That ain’t gonna work baby. I like you, but I don’t think it’s gonna happen your first year, Richie.
RICH ROD: Everyone is entitled to an opinion, I suppose. I think Journey sucks.
PAULA: First of all, you look wonderful tonight. You already look like a Big Ten coach. And I love what you’ve done with your hair. What do
you call that?
RICH ROD: A buzz cut.
PAULA: I watched your tape before I passed out last night, and I gotta tell ya, I like what I see. I don’t think you need Chad Henne, Mike
Hart or Mario Manningham. You’ve got a bunch of stars. I think I’m already looking at the Big Ten Coach of the Year.
RICH ROD: Thanks, Paula.
SIMON: I must tell you, I watched the tape and I’ve seen better athletes in the back alleys in London. I wouldn’t even think of
contending this season, Richie boy. And by the way, you sir, are a Benedict Arnold.
RICH ROD: Wait Simon, you’re from England … never mind.
RYAN: OK, coach, just take a seat on the couch over there and we will let you know if you are safe. Let’s bring out our next coach,
Illinois’ Ron Zook.
ZOOK: Wow, it’s bright up here.
RYAN: Coach Z, last year you were able to surprise some people — well, except USC. But I think you’ll agree that you won’t be surprising
anyone this season.
ZOOK: No, the secret is out. We’re a force to be reckoned with.
RYAN: Let’s see what the judges thought.
RANDY: Yo, Z, what’s shakin’ baby?
ZOOK: Not much, dawg.
RANDY: I love the offense, baby, but without Mendenhall, I don’t see you guys contending this year.
PAULA: Coach Hook, you need to do something about your uniforms. The orange and blue clash too much. But you’re still cute and I love you.
ZOOK: Thanks, Paula.
SIMON: I’m going to be honest with you, Ron. I haven’t liked you since you were the special teams coach with the Steelers. After they fired
you, I thought for sure you would be out of football. But you keep coming back, just like the zombies in one of those horror movies. But
I think you’ll crash and burn this season.
ZOOK: Whatever, Simon.
SIMON: Sorry.
RYAN: Wow, tell us what you really think, Simon. OK, coach Zook, have a seat on the couch and we’ll get to the results a little later. Let’s
bring out Buckeye coach Jim Tressel.
TRESSEL: Hey everybody. It’s great to be here.
RYAN: Coach, you’ve come up a win short of a national championship the past two years. Any explanations?
TRESSEL: I make no excuses, Ryan. But we’ve got a guy named Terrelle who I think can get us over the hump this season.
RYAN: Let’s see what the judges thought of your spring.
RANDY: Yo, Jimmy. Aight, so check it out. You guys rock! I love the offense, love the defense and Terrelle Pryor is the real deal!
America, we got a hot team right here baby!
PAULA: Coach T, you light up a room. Great things are going to happen for you this season. And you rock in that sweater vest.
TRESSEL: Thanks, Paula.
SIMON: You are a class act, coach. In my opinion, there are the Buckeyes and then there’s everyone else. Without a doubt, the team to
beat.
RYAN: Praise from Simon, that’s a rarity, coach. You should feel honored.
TRESSEL: I hear that.
RYAN: Finally, let’s bring out our last coach of the evening, Penn State’s Joe Paterno. Coach, it’s an honor to have you here. Ever been
to California?
PATERNO: Not since the 1995 Rose Bowl.
RYAN: Let’s see what the judges thought of your spring.
RANDY: Aight, JoePa, check it out baby. I love your team, especially the offense. Two good quarterbacks, solid running game and a nice
group of receivers. Turn ’em loose, baby.
PAULA: You are a true classic, JoePa. I love the black shoes and the rolled up khakis. You are one of the few people I can identify just by
looking at your feet. Well, you and MC Skat Cat.
PATERNO: I recruited him, you know.
SIMON: Look JoePa, I really, really like you. You are about as tried and true as my haircut. But you can’t keep playing it safe. It’s late
in the game. I agree with Randy. You need to open up the playbook and unleash the hounds, so to speak.
PATERNO: Simon, you wouldn’t know a football from a meatball.
RYAN: Wow, the hour has just flown by. Seacrest out.
Could Joe Paterno win on “Big Ten Idol?” Only Simon, Paula and Randy know for sure.
(Photo courtesy of Blue White Illustrated).
Non-rev roundup: Men’s Golf
Only three players posted par or better at the NCAA men’s golf Central Regional on May 17, but the tough course did not stop Penn State from
finishing eighth in the 27-team field, good enough to qualify for the NCAA championships.
Senior Robert Rohanna carded a 1-under par 70 while playing in winds that blew 25-30 miles an hour on the par-71, 7,455-yard Ohio State
Scarlet Course.
“Robert’s play was talked about by many coaches and they were in awe of what he was able to shoot under the conditions,” said head coach
Greg Nye. “He carried the team with an outstanding (final) round and the team posted a great score on Friday to put us in position.”
Rohanna’s tournament total of 2-over par 215 (75-70-70) earned him a tie for second place in the 141-golfer field, which equaled the best
finish ever for a Nittany Lion golfer in an NCAA regional. The two-time All-Big Ten selection finished just one shot off the pace of
individual winner Kevin Tway of Oklahoma State, who posted a 1-over par score of 214 after shooting a 75 on the day and making a scramble
of his own to save par and secure the win on his final hole.
Penn State finished with a score of 46-over par 898 (304-286-308) and in a tie for eighth with Kent State. The Nittany Lions second round
total of 286 held up as the best score of the tournament.
Nineteenth ranked Wake Forest held on to win the regional with a total of 27-over par 878 while Oklahoma State was second at 37-over par 889.
Penn State, ranked No. 37 by Golfstat, joined fellow Big Ten teams Illinois (third) and Indiana (10th) in qualifying for the NCAA
championships and finished better than three teams ranked in the Top 20 in the tournament. The top 10 teams in each of three NCAA regionals
advance to the NCAA championships, May 28-31, on the Kampen Course at the Birck Boilermaker Golf Complex in West Lafayette, Ind.
In addition to writing for gantnews.com, Chris Morelli is the editor of Blue White Illustrated, a sports publication devoted to Penn State
sports. He is also a regular on “Front and Center,” which airs on ESPN Radio in State College and Altoona. E-mail him at
morellionlion@gmail.com.
