In this week’s episode of “As the Trumpworld Turns,” a porn actress, a former Playboy Playmate and a reality TV “Apprentice” walked into a bar … and served the President of the United States a little of his own medicine.
Oh, by the way, there is a guy named “Pecker” (publisher of the National Enquirer) and a guy named “Harder” (one of Trump’s attorneys) involved. I don’t quite know how to weave them into this raunchy joke of a presidency, but I thought I’d mention them anyway, because it’s just too hysterically crass to pass up. Do not tell me God does not have a sense of humor.
Also this week, the President again took to Twitter and butchered English spelling and grammar rules in his attacks against “Special Council” Robert Mueller. Barbara Bell, my high school English teacher, would want me to clarify: Council is a group of people who come together to consult, deliberate or make decisions; counsel is the lawyer(s) conducting a case. Mueller is special counsel, not council.
Trump also attacked the media, “Crooked Hillary,” Andrew McCabe, Democrats. His wife, first lady Melania Trump, held a summit with social media executives to discuss combating cyberbullying and hostility in social media. Yes, you are allowed an eye roll and a chortle. Melania Trump is refreshingly self-aware of the ridiculousness of it, too.
But we aren’t quite done yet. Former Vice President Joe Biden, in a speech in Miami, said about Donald Trump: “If we were in high school, I’d take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him.” Trump then defended his honor, and responded in kind, on Twitter, of course. He wrote, “Crazy Joe Biden … threatens me, for the second time, with physical assault. He doesn’t know me, but he would go down fast and hard, crying all the way.”
Yes, the same Trump who creates memes depicting violence against the media, the same Trump we heard on the “Access Hollywood” tape boasting of committing sexual assault, the same Trump who has been accused of assault by more than a dozen women (he denies it). That Donald Trump was complaining of being threatened with physical assault. You are allowed another eye roll and chortle.
This is where we find ourselves, America. This is our political reality. I am not making any of this up. The nominal leaders of the Republican and Democratic parties are engaging in a public display of bravado by threatening to beat each other up. Both are septuagenarians who travel through life protected by a cadre of Secret Service, even keeping them safe from rain. These two old white men — well it may be more accurate to describe them as one old white man and one old papaya-hued man — are threatening to beat each other up. We have officially reached the peak of absurdity. And it’s only Thursday.
Stay tuned for next week’s episode, which I’m told will feature a wet T-shirt contest, hopefully not worn by Joe Biden or Donald Trump.