If there’s one way to get President Donald Trump to like you, it’s to talk — in the most exaggerated possible terms — about just how great Donald Trump is.
Which brings me to Michael Grimm, the Staten Island congressman-turned-felon-turned-candidate-again who is challenging Rep. Dan Donovan in next year’s Republican primary in his old 11th district.
And, more specifically, to this Grimm quote on Trump from Olivia Nuzzi’s terrific New York magazine profile of the former congressman’s seemingly quixotic attempt to ride the President’s coattails back to his old life.
“I remember saying to myself, I never realized what a large man — I mean stature-wise, he’s a big man, with massive hands. I don’t have small hands, but when I shook hands with him, the first time I shook hands with him, I realized he was a big man.”
I mean.
As Nuzzi notes, Grimm’s connections to Trump are loose — at best. Donovan, on the other, ahem, hand, has known Trump far longer and has, generally speaking, put together a more conservative voting record than Grimm did when he was in Congress.
No matter! Grimm has somehow lured former Trump chief strategist Steve Bannon into his campaign. And now, in an even more transparent attempt to attract the President’s attention and blessing, Grimm is complimenting Trump’s hand size.
Hand size, for those who may have forgotten, is of huge — excuse me, YUGE — importance to Trump.
It all began in the mid-1980s, when Graydon Carter and Kurt Andersen, founders of the satirical magazine Spy, would regularly taunt Trump as a “short-fingered vulgarian.”
The real estate mogul, who stands 6-foot-3 or thereabouts, was clearly bothered by the reference to his hands. This, from Carter in November 2015, makes clear how bothered:
“To this day, I receive the occasional envelope from Trump. There is always a photo of him — generally a tear sheet from a magazine. On all of them he has circled his hand in gold Sharpie in a valiant effort to highlight the length of his fingers. I almost feel sorry for the poor fellow because, to me, the fingers still look abnormally stubby.
The most recent offering arrived earlier this year, before his decision to go after the Republican presidential nomination. Like the other packages, this one included a circled hand and the words, also written in gold Sharpie: ‘See, not so short!’ I sent the picture back by return mail with a note attached, saying, ‘Actually, quite short.’ Which I can only assume gave him fits.”
Trump’s hand size became, briefly, an issue in the 2016 presidential campaign when Florida Sen. Marco Rubio used the jab to antagonize Trump.
“He is taller than me, he’s like 6-foot-2, which is why I don’t understand why his hands are the size of someone who is 5-foot-2,” Rubio said in March 2016. “Have you seen his hands? And you know what they say about men with small hands … You can’t trust them.”
Unable to resist, Trump responded.
“Those hands can hit a golf ball 285 yards,” he said while campaigning in Michigan. Then, at a debate in Detroit, Trump held his hands up and said this:
“Look at those hands. Are they small hands? And (Rubio) referred to my hands — if they are small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there is no problem. I guarantee you.”
That is a thing that happened on Planet Earth in the year 2016.
The point is that anyone paying any attention at all knows that Trump is self-conscious about his hands. So, what better way to win him over than to not only talk about how big and great he is but also throw a random compliment out there about his “massive” hands?
Yes, it’s totally transparent — to the point of ickyness — what Grimm is doing here. Which, of course, means it just might work.
(This piece was written by a 6-foot-2 man with smallish hands. Could never palm a basketball!)