Two of the most cringeworthy things that the country has ever produced — Cards Against Humanity and American politics — may, in fact, be the perfect pair.
The company that produces the popular card game posted a full-page ad on Craigslist and on Instagram, seeking a new CEO. But given the oddly specific qualifications, they may be waiting a while.
Although, as is usually the case, you get the sense reading the qualifications that they may have someone in mind already. (Spoiler: It’s former President Barack Obama.)
Cards Against Humanity is usually described as a filthy version of Apple to Apples. And if you haven’t heard of either of those games, you haven’t been to a party at someone’s house in the last decade and I can’t help you.
“Let’s face it: We have no idea what we’re doing. This year, we wasted an enormous amount of time and energy trying to get Hillary Clinton elected President,” the Craigslist ad begins.
The ad, listed in the website’s Chicago section, goes on to list some of the following qualifications:
“Experience hunting terrorist masterminds”
“Minimum eight years experience President of the United States of America or equivalent nation”
“Must currently hold a national approval rating of 57.2% or higher”
“Natural born citizen of the United States”
“Proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint”
The listing adds that the “ideal candidate will be excited to travel for work and be a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.”
And what could a certain federal retiree with nothing but time on his hands look forward to in terms of benefits? Perks include: “Health/dental/vision insurance (while available)” and “Access to office pantry with unlimited almonds.”
The new CEO would also get to set his own salary and would be eligible for paid relocation to Chicago, Obama’s adopted hometown.