Today’s 5 things: Defiant. Divided. Deadly

A divided court. A defiant president. A deadly attack. It’s primary Tuesday, and here are the 5 things you need to know to Get Up to Speed and Out the Door.

1. Campaign 2016

The Big Apple has its say today. New York is a big, fat crucial prize — 247 delegates (for the Dems) and 95 delegates (for the GOP). If The Donald has any chance of clinching the nomination, he needs to dominate. For Hillz, a loss to Uncle Bernie would once again kick off the why-isn’t-she-doing-better, wailing-and-gnashing-of-teeth narrative. Other tidbits: Trump says if he wins, the RNC chair may need to look for a job … He confuses 9/11 with 7-Eleven … And Hillz calls him ‘donkey of the decade.’

2. Immigration

After legacy-changing decisions on Obamacare and gay marriage, the White House and the Supremes got together for another dance: immigration. That old, familiar conservative/liberal divide developed as the court tussled over whether the President can use an executive order to shield four million undocumented immigrants from deportation. If the Supremes deadlock 4-4 on this one (without Scalia around), the case is kicked back to the Texas district court, which blocked the program in the first place.

3. Brazil

Impeachment or coup? If you ask Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff, they’re one and the same. She’s accused of borrowing from state banks to cover a shortfall in Brazil’s deficit (a no-no). Rousseff was defiant yesterday, calling the impeachment effort against her unjust and predicting eventual vindication. She compared it to the torture she endured during Brazil’s military dictatorship, saying that “I am having my dreams tortured now.”

4. Houston floods

Will things be better today in Houston, after days of extreme flooding? Sadly, no. The rain-soaked city will labor under a flash flood watch through the morning and thunderstorms all day. At least 5 people have been killed in what’s been called the worst flooding there — 240 BILLION gallons of rain — since a tropical storm rammed through in 2001. Tens of thousands don’t have power; scores had to be evacuated from homes and vehicles.

5. Kabul attack

The Taliban still packs a pretty big punch in Afghanistan, as evidenced by its attack in Kabul this morning. At least 28 people were killed and more than 300 were injured when a suicide bomb attack rocked the city. The Taliban were quick to claim responsibility for the incident, which targeted the office of a security team that protects government VIPs.

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Quote of the day:

‘YouTube, they’re the devil’

Metallica manager Peter Mensch, complaining about the video site’s ad-driven business model, which he says is unsustainable and killing the music industry. Remember Metallica v. Napster?

This must be for those other states

Utah’s governor signs a pair of anti-porn bills today. Ironic, considering a 2009 study found Utah’s residents were the biggest purchasers of porn in the U.S.

Everybody loved her too

Doris Roberts, the overbearing mom Marie on “Everybody Loves Raymond,” was a TV staple for decades. She died yesterday at age 90.

Double trouble

The Internet’s losing its ever-lovin’ mind over Mara Teigen, friend of Kylie Jenner and dead ringer for Angelina Jolie. (Mara’s on the left)

Air heads

Somebody put a bag of air from Kobe Bryant’s last game up for sale on eBay. Don’t laugh, bids were up to $15,000 before it was pulled.

Dino death

Still sad over the dinosaurs getting wiped out by that massive meteorite? Don’t be. Scientists thinks the dinos were on their way out anyway.

AND FINALLY …

Blaming Batman

Lipstick on mom’s mirror? Saying the ‘devil made me do it’ is so yesterday. Today’s quick-thinking 2-year-olds blame the Batman.

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