Stupor Wednesday’s 5 things: Surging, purging and splurging

Donald and Hillary surge. The transgender bill is purged. And bin Laden had cash to splurge. It’s Wednesday, and here are the 5 things you need to know to Get Up to Speed and Out the Door:

SUPER TUESDAY

Turn out the lights, the party’s over: Sing it Willie. It’s The Donald vs. Hillz. Get used to it. Barring some mega-misstep, that’s where we’re headed. The party front runners slapped around the competition on Super Tuesday. Sure, Bernie Sanders and Ted Cruz picked up a few states, and Marco Rubio snagged Minnesota. Go Gophers. But Trump and Clinton snapped up seven primary wins each. And did you see Chris Christie’s face during the Trump victory speech? Reconsidering your endorsement, governor?

TRANSGENDER BILL

Um, that would be a ‘no’: A big fat veto for the South Dakota bill that would have required transgender students in public schools to use bathrooms that matched their birth sex. Gov. Dennis Daugaard basically said, ‘Don’t we have better things to spend our time on?’ Transgender rights advocates have good reason to cheer.But not for long: Similar bills have been proposed in 11 states.

ABORTION CASE

Courting a decision: The mere mention of abortion raises hackles across the political spectrum. In the balance this time is a 2013 Texas law that requires clinics to provide hospital-like facilities and be staffed by doctors with local privileges. Supporters say it helps guarantee safe procedures. But the reality is nearly all abortion clinics in the state have closed. How will a short-staffed High Court without Antonin Scalia rule? A 4-4 deadlock is possible. This is new math.

OSAMA BIN LADEN

Where there’s a will …: National Intelligence just did a document dump of papers scooped up in the 2011 Osama bin Laden raid. That’s the one where Special Forces took out the terror leader. Bin Laden’s last will and testament was in the pile. He says he’s got $29 million squirreled away. The bad news, we don’t know where it is. Oh, we also learned that for the 10th anniversary of 9/11, he asked his underlings to pitch to American networks some sort of anniversary special. Yes, really.

ASTRONAUT SCOTT KELLY

Back on solid ground: Gravity, get used to it again, Scott Kelly. The NASA astronaut is out of orbit and back on Earth after nearly a year on the International Space Station. His 340 days in space is a record for an American. Besides gravity, he’ll have to use to things like real food and people. “The hardest part is being isolated from people on the ground who are important to you,” he said. Doctors will poke and prod him to see what space did to his body, then he’s looking forward to a dip in the pool.

BREAKFAST BROWSE

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Quote of the day:

The film “is not anti-Catholic, as has been written.” — Vatican-owned newspaper L’Osservatore Romano on “Spotlight,” the Oscar-winning film about journalists who exposed the priest sexual abuse scandal.

Opening doors

Some passports will get you more places than others. Sorry U.S., you’re not No. 1. But you can see the top from where you are.

Eat, sleep, repeat

Got a hankering for junk food? Your body’s trying to tell you something – like, go to sleep already.

The follicle thief

You can blame your ancestors for the gray strands of hair popping up on your head. But you’d only be about 30% right.

This job is killing me

Let’s face it, not all jobs are created equal. Some will do a real number on your heart (and your waistline).

Back to the drawing board

ISIS thought it had successfully hacked Google. What it really hacked was a small Indian company with Google in its name. Oops!

And finally …
A fetching position

You don’t have to hound these street dogs to do their job at the Brazilian Open tennis tournament.

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