Friday’s 5 things: iPhone, ISIS, Trump and Francis

A telling town hall, a shocking study, and a brewing battle. It’s Friday, and here are the 5 things you need to know to Get Up to Speed and Out the Door:

1. GOP TOWN HALL

Trump, Bush and Kasich appeared in a CNN town hall last night and we learned so, so much:

— The Donald could use some help in the math department: When one-third of your campaign funds are donations, you’re not really a “self-funder.”

— Kasich hugs it out: Earlier yesterday, Kasich hugged a man who shared a deeply personal story. Last night, he essentially hugged the entire national audience. 

—  Bush doesn’t get W’s art: He called it “weird.” 

— Kasich is hipper than we thought: He’s into Fall out Boy, Linkin Park and twenty one pilots. Like!

— Trump won’t back down: Not only did he continue his attack on George W. for going into Iraq, he offered a new theory: “I think the son (was) being loyal to the father.”

— He cut the Pope some slack though: Earlier in the day, the Pope said anyone who pushes for a wall is “not Christian,” prompting The Donald to claim, I am so a Christian. Last night, he said if he wanted beef, he’d go to Mickey D’s.

— Kasich’s aw-shucks finish: “I’m not that great a guy, OK? I’m just doing the best I can.”

2. SAN BERNARDINO SHOOTING

iPhone iWon’t:  This has turned into a fight between Goliath and Goliath. In one corner is the federal government, which wants Apple to grant it access to San Bernardino shooter Syed Farook’s iPhone so it can figure out the shady people who helped plot the massacre. Siding with Team Security are politicians of both stripes. In the other corner is Apple, which says it can’t because of the precedent it’ll set. Backing Team Privacy are Silicon Valley heavyweights Google, Twitter and Facebook. This is going to get messy.

3. ISIS

Children of the damned: Militant groups using child soldiers are nothing new. But the way ISIS does it, is. A new study, out today, says the terrorists treat kids no differently than adults, sending them on attacks right alongside grownups. You see, the sanctity of childhood means zip to these monsters. Shocking still, some of these kids are part of ISIS’ military operations with their parents’ consent. So, how many child soldiers are in ISIS ranks? The study estimates at least 1,500.

4. CALIFORNIA GAS LEAK

Win the battle not the war: Finally — finally — some good news for Porter Ranch. The worst natural gas leak in U.S. history is now permanently capped. That only took Southern California Gas FOUR MONTHS! At its height, the leak spewed 97,000 pounds of methane per hour and displaced thousands from their homes. Up next: What effect this calamity will have on property values and, more importantly, the long-term health of residents.  So, let’s not throw around high fives just yet.

5. UGANDA ELECTIONS

Fait accompli: A lot has changed in Uganda in the last 30 years except one thing: President Yoweri Musevini. The 71-year-old is hoping for a fifth term and rights groups say he’s doing his darndest to make sure he gets it. The country voted yesterday in an election that saw the detention of the leading opposition candidate, a ban on social media (which had been used as a rallying cry) and ballot stuffing (for Musevini, of course). We’ll find out the results today. One guess who’ll win? 

There’s more …

World powers have their fingers crossed that guns will go silent in Syria today … Pope Francis said contraceptives can be used to prevent the spread of Zika – even though they’re a Church no-no … Bill Cosby sues one of his accusers saying she violated a civil settlement by cooperating in his criminal investigation …There’s a timeout in the trial of five Baltimore cops in Freddie Gray’s death while Maryland decides whether another officer can be forced to testify against them.  

Breakfast browse

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Quote of the day: “Gloria Steinem … made me [an] honorary woman many, many years ago”

— Bernie Sanders, trying a new tack to convince female voters he walks the walk on issues important to women.

Sleepless in Seattle?

Try wide awake in Waikiki. A new study finds that people in Hawaii get the least zzzs.

You’ve got mail

France is considering a law that makes it OK to ignore that note from your boss when you’re out of office. Quoi?

(g)O Canada

A Canadian island that asked Americans to move there if Trump wins got 50,000 inquiries in 3 days — more than all of last year.

Net effect

Gilmour Academy won its basketball playoff with 108 POINTS! But a slow clap for the other team — for scoring once.

New kid on the block

Check out this squee-worthy addition at a Boston zoo. Too. Much. Cuteness.

What’s for lunch

Here’s what’s happening later

Born in the U.S.A.:

A lawsuit challenging the Canadian-born Ted Cruz’s eligibility to be president of ‘Murica gets its day in court today. 

And finally…

Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh)

Guy borrows a Starbucks umbrella and goes around the University of Utah, walking students to class, in this random act of awesomeness.

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