Dressing down Russia. Obsessing over Scalia. Aggressing act by China. It’s Wednesday, and here are the 5 things you need to know to Get Up to Speed and Out the Door:
1. ZIKA VIRUS
Dont worry, be crabby: Good news for the ladies, bad news for their fellas. Unless a woman is pregnant while in a Zika-affected country, or becomes pregnant shortly afterward, she doesn’t run the risk of a mosquito bite leading to the virus in her baby. But her beau better beware. Zika has been found in the semen of infected men and it’s unknown how long it stays there and how long he can spread it through sex. So, until researchers figure it out, the CDC suggests the men keep using condoms … or just cuddle.
2. SCALIA DEATH
Conspiracy of the dunces: Officials have repeatedly said there was no foul play in Justice Antonin Scalia’s death, but is that stopping the conspiracy buffs? Noooo. A local judge’s decision not to order a post-mortem has sent them into overdrive. The guy who once headed criminal investigations for D.C. police says his gut tells him something fishy’s going on. And a few actually believe the government used a so-called “heart attack gun” to off Scalia. You know folks, some people in their 70s have been known to die naturally in their sleep.
3. SYRIA CIVIL WAR
Talk the talk, walk the walk: A ceasefire is supposed to take place in Syria on Friday. But from the look of things, not likely. Exhibit A: Horrific airstrikes on hospitals and schools this week. Even though Russia denies it, the State Department says it’s “pretty confident” Putin’s peeps were behind them. Just last week, Russia was among the world powers who hammered out a deal that would mean the first real halt in fighting in the years-long civil war. Yesterday, the U.S. told Russia, it’s time to put up or shut up.
4. CAMPAIGN 2016
Trumped up controversy: The Donald says he’s seriously thinking about filing a suit to challenge the Canadian-born Ted Cruz’s presidential aspirations.
Cruzin’ for a bruisin’: The Ted released a five-minute video to remind voters that Trump flip-flopped on abortion.
Worth a shot: Jeb! — struggling for traction in SC — tweeted a pic of a gun with “Gov. Jeb. Bush” emblazoned on it to, we guess, appeal to their 2nd Amendment support. As usual, Twitter didn’t disappoint.
5. SOUTH CHINA SEA
Islands in the breme: This morning, China apparently deployed missiles on an island in the South China Sea, which is so not a good idea. China’s stance is this (is)land is my land, and we can do what we want. But the area is home to so many messy territorial disputes that Beijing’s little stunt is sure to tick off Vietnam or Brunei or Malaysia or the Philippines. Might be a good idea to check out this explainer, because this is surely not the last you’ll hear about this.
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Quote of the day: “The animals are better. They know how to distinguish male from female. If we approve [of] male on male, female on female, then man is worse than animals.”
— Eight-time world boxing champion Manny Pacquiao telling us how he really feels about gay people. Must be all those hits to the head. (He later apologized).
Oh boo hoo
Poor El Chapo. Can’t get a good night’s rest because guards now keep waking him to check on him. Shoulda thought about that before that prison break.
Oh waa waa
Bernie Madoff can’t stand the way he’s depicted in the ABC miniseries. Because the one thing a man serving 150 years for running the biggest pyramid scheme in history ought to worry about is the optics.
Occupational hazard
Who knew acting was such a dangerous profession. First an actor dies in a stage hanging scene. Now, an actor is killed by a prop Samurai sword?
Woof woot
He’s CJ. He’s a German shorthaired pointer. And he’s top dog at Westminster this year.
What’s for lunch
Here’s what’s happening later
On the border
The Pope travels to the border in Juarez, Mexico, today where he’ll pray for those who died trying to cross into the U.S. It’s a safe bet Trump won’t be there.
And finally…
Throw away your silverware
Never wash spoons again. Because now you can eat them!