Happy 2016, dear readers. It’s our last newsletter of the year. We’ll be back Monday — and every weekday doing what we do best: Bring you the 5 things you need to know to Get Up to Speed and Out the Door:
NEW YEAR’S EVE
It’s party time. Drop everything!: … And we mean EVERY thing. Americans are weird. We ring in the New Year by singing off-key, kissing random strangers and whooping excitedly as we stand sardine-packed while our cities and towns drop strange things: Bologna in Pennsylvania; a big fish in Ohio, watermelon in Indiana, a glowing pickle in North Carolina. Then we resolve never again to partake in such foolishness. But we all know how resolutions go.
NEW YEAR’S EVE SECURITY
Don’t drop the ball at the ball drop: The terrorism threat has never seemed greater. Will we be safe as we ring in 2016, or will security fall short? A small army of cops — about 6,000 — will blanket Times Square, and extra cameras will keep an eye on the Rose Bowl Parade. The security anxiety is not just in the U.S. It’s worldwide. Turkey, China, Bangladesh. Officials in Brussels, after breaking up a terror plot, said, screw it, and canceled festivities altogether.
BILL COSBY
No laughing matter: It took four decades and allegations from at least 50 women to get there, but comedian Bill Cosby was finally hauled into court yesterday, charged with three felony counts of aggravated indecent assault. He’s accused of drugging and sexually assaulting a woman when she visited his home in 2004. Cosby made the $1 million bail and his lawyers vowed a “vigorous” defense. His accusers said their prayers have been answered.
FLOODING
Water, water everywhere: The storms and tornadoes have cleared out, but middle America’s not in the clear yet: It’s got to fight the flood. From Texas to Illinois rivers are swollen. Levees are failing. The Mississippi River’s going to crest somewhere north of its historic great flood of ’93 level. Neighborhoods, streets and interstates in St. Louis are already underwater. It’s just flat-out miserable. The good news: this wave of water should recede quickly, allowing for cleanup to begin.
CHICAGO POLICE SHOOTING
Step in the right direction: Big changes have been ordered for Chicago police. Every cop out on a call will have a Taser in the patrol car. Officers involved in a shooting will get 30 days desk duty instead of three. Techniques to de-escalate situations will be emphasized. It’s all meant to temper public anger over recent fatal shootings by police in the Windy City, including the weekend deaths of Quintonio LeGrier and Bettie Jones. But will it be enough?
BREAKFAST BROWSE
People are talking about these. Read up. Join in.
Quote of the day: “I consider them enemies. We view this as war”
The Donald, on Hilz and Jeb! That explains his over-the-top comments. Because all’s fair in love and …
To boldly go where no man goes anymore
The Postal Service’s 2016 line up of stamps includes a set honoring “Star Trek”. Yes, “Star Trek”; not “Star Wars. Because the Postal Service is nothing if not current.
In your face, microbeads
It’s hard to get Dems and Republicans to rally behind a common cause. Unless it’s banning your exfoliating shower gel. Bravo. (And we mean that).
An animal in bed
A Brazilian mattress company has built a bed with an even tinier bed for Fido to sleep in. How do you say ‘Ka-ching!’ in Pekingese?
Welcome to the Jungle
You tested our Patience long enough, Axl and Slash. Glad you put behind your Civil War and decided to Get In the Ring with a reunion tour where you’re asking promoters to make it (November) Rain to the tune of $3 million per show. You, sweet Sweet Child O’ Mine.
WHAT’S FOR LUNCH
Here’s what’s coming up later.
You’ve got mail
Like, 8,000 pages worth. The State Department will be releasing the second-to-last batch of Hillary Clinton’s email — circa the Secretary of State years.
AND FINALLY …
Can’t have it all
The problem with hoverboards is that they don’t hover. And they explode. Well, this one hovers and it won’t set you on fire. But it will set you back $20K.