By April Fleck
Prevention Education Coordinator, PASSAGES Inc.
October is Family Sexuality Education Month. If you’ve never heard of this before, you’re probably in good company. Sexuality is a topic that parents typically stand clear of until it’s absolutely necessary to discuss it.
The problem is this: “The Talk” should be a continual process, not just a one-time conversation awkwardly presented by a nervous parent. While this conversation can be a difficult one, if handled appropriately, children can benefit immensely from having this ongoing discussion with open-minded parents.
Children begin to talk with peers about sexuality at an early age and often those discussions are full of misinformation. Talking early with your children can help ensure that the information they receive is accurate and is presented according to your values.
This also gives children and young adults the resources and knowledge needed to begin to think about healthy relationships and sexuality in the future. In the long-term, these discussions could help your child recognize signs of violence in a relationship and therefore could help prevent sexual or domestic violence.
First, it’s important to know when to begin discussing healthy sexuality with your children. The development of sexuality begins early in the life of a child, so it’s crucial to start the conversation early as well.
Keep in mind that healthy sexuality can mean more than just a developing physical body; it is also about feelings, values and beliefs. The earlier the discussion begins, the easier it is for children to understand the changes that will happen to them and their bodies as they grow.
A good sign that it’s time to start talking is that your child has begun asking questions about their bodies or other’s bodies, or questions about how babies are born. Answer these questions in basic terms.
For example, if a child asks where babies come from, you could respond by saying that moms and dads use their bodies to make babies and that the baby grows in the mom’s womb. That may be enough to satisfy the child’s curiosity.
When the child wants to know more, he or she will then feel comfortable coming to you to talk. Provide additional information as the child comes to you with questions.
For adolescents, it’s important to discuss the changes that will occur in the child’s body and new feelings of sexuality the child may be feeling. This is the age where children may be beginning to have crushes and even date.
As children pass through adolescence, they may experience romantic relationships and sexual activity. For most children, this is the time to begin discussing sexual activity, birth control and STDs.
Talk about relationships and the responsibilities that go along with them. Discuss the idea of consent and peer pressure. Be aware of your child’s friendships and relationships. This information should be provided along with the values you want to express to your child regarding these issues.
Remember, your child is hearing all of this from peers. It’s better for him or her to hear accurate information from you, than misinformation from friends.
For parents of young adults, it’s not too late to continue the conversation about healthy sexuality. Talk about relationships that your child might be experiencing. Discuss the importance of family planning and protection from STDs.
Talk about how these things can affect other areas of life. For example, how would having an unplanned pregnancy affect college or jobs? Watch for signs of relationship violence and talk to your child about your concerns.
Continue the discussion of consent and what that means in healthy relationships. Encourage your child to have these discussions with friends and be a good role model to others. If you keep an open relationship with your child, he or she will come to you even as a young adult to process thoughts, feelings and choices regarding all aspects of life.
Talking about healthy sexuality can be difficult, scary and a little embarrassing. Remember, your child is already getting information from other sources and probably knows much more than you imagine.
Find out what your child knows. Think about what your child needs to know. Overcome your discomfort. Start the conversation today. For more information, visit the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape at www.pcar.org.
The Women’s Health Task Force is a small group volunteering its time to educate women and families on important health issues. If you have an interest in health, work in a caring profession or want to volunteer with other sincere women, consider attending our monthly planning meetings.
These meetings are held the first Thursday of each month beginning at 12 p.m. The next meeting will be held Oct. 2 at Penn State Extension in Clearfield County, 511 Spruce St., Suite 4, Clearfield.
All interested people are encouraged to attend. Additional information is available by calling Penn State Extension, at 814-765-7878.