Before we push on into the new year with our annual “Fast Forward” column it is only fitting that we send out the film year that was ’07.
It was a year of sequels and franchises that did the best at the box office but the real quality came late and quietly. Here’s a review of the movies we warned you about last January.
“Spider-Man 3,” “Shrek the Third,” and “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” were all big money makers and you can almost bet for a fourth entry in the series until people wise up. The Spider-Man and Pirates films fall into the “okay” category. Some of the spies have said nice things about “Pirates.” But “Shrek the Third” was a dead donkey. It is the first film of 2007 to go into our “sucked so hard you could hardly believe it” dustbin.
“28 Weeks Later,” while watchable wasn’t nearly as captivating as the original “28 Days Later,” “Oceans 13” we skipped because any film with that much talent in it has to be at least “good,” and we fell asleep halfway through “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.”
All of this goes to show one thing: Vault’s First Adage still stands: Beware of Movies with Numbers in the Title. Sequels generally suck, sometimes rise to good and very, very rarely exceed the original. Call it the “Star Wars Rule” if you like. Notable exceptions, though, do exist. “The Godfather” trilogy is the textbook example of defying Vault’s First Adage. More currently, and to a lesser extent, we have to admit we love the Jason Bourne movies.
Continuing on our rampage through 2007 sequels, is there any way to contrive of new, sadistic machines with which to kill people left that the “Saw” series hasn’t come up with yet? This franchise has fallen far from it’s original originality and has plummeted with such force into our “sucked so hard” dustbin that it threatens to go right through the bottom into the basement (where, of course, people are secretly chained up in Vault’s abattoir). Listen: This has turned into what I, holding back the vomit, have to call terror-porn. It is listless, dead filmmaking. If you really want to see this stuff, why don’t you just go find copies of the old “Faces of Death” films and save yourself the time.
Stepping out of the grave and into box-office bingo, “National Treasure II” is still in theaters and it’s got Nicky Cage and fine production values, so it’s at least a safe bet to land in our “okay” pile.
Okay, we’re off to Fantasy Land now. Writer Neil Gaiman had much going this season past and figured in two decent efforts. “Stardust,” which was probably missed by most, is the story of a lad who’s trying to catch a falling star to win the heart of his true love. And you can still probably catch “Beowulf,” which promises a naked, gold-paint-dripping Angelina Jolie, in second run theaters. Neither will knock you down, but both are worth a look.
The real fantasy film controversy for the year is out just recently. “The Golden Compass,” which I have read but have not seen yet, stands to be among the best, even while the religious community has attempted to undermine it.
Perhaps you’ve received one of those emails decrying the film. It basically goes like this: Author Philip Pullman is an atheist and he’s jealous of the Narnia series and in his book trilogy the children actually KILL GOD!!!!! Eeeeaaaaaagggghhhh!
I can tell you this: The first book of the series doesn’t even mention God. (Nor, for that matter, does the second book and I’m halfway through it.) It’s a flat out adventure with a strong, young, female lead (rare enough) who winds up pitted against “The Magisterium,” which has been quietly abducting and experimenting on children.
Pullman’s interesting (perhaps alarming, depending on which church you attend) device in the story is that people have animal avatars called “daemons,” which are basically outer, visible expressions of the soul and which demonstrate the true nature of the person. Children’s daemons are quite changeable, but as a character becomes mature, they settle into one animal. Antagonist Nicole Kidman’s daemon is a golden monkey.
I have the quiet feeling that this film is better than many of its critical reviews. It is my suspicion that some religious types are planting negative reviews rather than freaking out and picketing, like they did way back in the “Last Temptation of Christ” days, which only served to make that film more successful.
The film is a fantasy. Moreover with a compelling female lead. I doubt the series will lead your child to hell. I’m going to see it just to see what the fuss is about. Why non-religious people don’t go ape-shit over movies like “The Nativity” is a legitimate question. More specifically, I wonder why Christians reacted so differently to Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ” in 2004, where God is also killed. I mean, that film was a horrifying depiction of a torture murder and there were children, lots of children, sitting in the audience with their parents. My son would have had nightmares for weeks and possibly been damaged for life.
Anyway, if ya wanna see Nicole Kidman, go see the movie. If you have concerns about it, don’t. The book is really good. We were talking about the year in review, right?
The first two fantasy films that land in our “freaking excellent” file are “Bridge to Terabithia” and “Pan’s Labyrinth.”
I just reloaded “Terabithia” in the grinder the other day, and on a second viewing, it still got me. The film is less a fantasy than a coming of age story that is perfect for the whole family. It has fantastic elements, but the trailers would lead you to believe it is some great animated thing. What it’s really about is a sensitive male teen who finds his way by befriending the girl next door. It is a real charmer, and one of the year’s best.
Right there with “Terabithia” and probably exceeding it, at least for the grown ups, is Guillermo del Toro’s spanish language “Pan’s Labyrinth.” The film was released in 2006 but came to video in 2007 and its top notch. Del Toro is one of the great, new latin directors who is turning out fabulous pictures one after another. “Labyrinth” is that rare fantasy film which carries the real threat of terror. It is about a bookish step-daughter of a sadistic army officer who finds her way into a strange fantasy world.
The effects in “Labyrinth” are not digital, but functions of make up art and they are some of the most original visions you’ll ever see. What makes the film exciting is that the real world in WWII fascist Spain was dangerous; at least as dangerous as the world our young heroine escapes into. There is a real tension as the child meets and interacts with dark creatures whose intentions are not at all transparent.
Other good films that we’ve warned you about, “Enchanted” and “The Water Horse,” are still in theaters and they work very well for the whole family. And the last word on animated fantasy goes to the splendid “Ratatouille.” While French cuisine from a rat’s perspective might not sound like much, it pays off waaaaaay above the bar and is making many critics’ year-end top ten lists.
Some other films that paid off this year in the waaaay good category were “The Italian,” the story of a six-year old boy in a Russian orphanage determined to find his mother. Russian with English subtitles, it is one of the great quiet films of the year.
“The Lives of Others” is also making many top-ten lists as is our featured review from last week, “The Wind that Shakes the Barley.”
Some that fall into the “good” bracket were “Black Snake Moan,” where Sam Jackson chains the nymphomaniac and underwear clad Christina Ricci to a radiator; Sean Penn’s “Into the Wild,” about a man who leaves his life behind in favor of life in the Alaskan wilderness; and “Fido,” a humorous take on the zombie genre set in 1950s were the dead are more like house-pets and are trained to deliver the mail.
Films that failed to deliver, for me anyway, were by two notoriously weird directors: Quentin Tarantino and David Lynch. Tarantino teamed up with Robert Rodriguez for a try at an old B-Movie double feature and the hype looked promising. Tarantino’s “Death Proof” had a good premise and all but even his coolness himself couldn’t make the film entertaining. And David Lynch comes in for a real spanking with “Inland Empire.” Okay, I recognize Lynch is traveling in a space and time that makes Fellini look like a realist and I recognize there is doubtless quality in his images. It’s just that Lynch makes you work hard at his films and, guess what? Even the critics have no freakin’ clue what David is saying this time. I’m the first one to call him out as the surrealist impressionist painter he is and to challenge him to give us a little more to hang on to next time. Vault loves a good, complex film, but too complex equals not good. And finally, one of the biggest at the box office was really one of the worst films of the year for me: “Transformers.” Everybody ran out on the 4th of July weekend to see THIS??? I never trusted Michael Bay before, but now he’s on my “dead to me” list. I’m not sure if “300” was worse, but we had hopes for the sword and sandal fantasy that were utterly dashed. “300” and “Transformers” both go into our “sucked so hard you could hardly believe it” dustbin along with “Shrek the Third.”
Ugh! Spit that stuff out, it’s bad for ya.
It would not be fair in our look back if we did not mention films that we completely missed in last year’s “fast forward.” First, we cannot believe we completely left out Michael Moore’s indictment of the American health care system, “Sicko.” This is out on video now and it is required viewing, especially since you’ll be hearing all the politicians promising health care for everybody this primary season. You’ll be able to thrill to important details about how much it costs to buy government policy and keep health insurance companies in the money at the expense of you and me, the taxpayers. After you watch this film, go ahead and google how much money Hillary and Obama are now getting from the health care industry. Scary friends.
We also didn’t see “Juno” coming. Starring the wonderful Ellen Page (“Hard Candy”) in a comedy about a teen girl’s unplanned pregnancy, it is up for many awards and is an easy top five pick this year.
Another top-flight best-picture-caliber film is “No Country for Old Men,” from the amazing Coen brothers via the source novel of Cormac McCarthy. Vault is almost done reading McCarthy’s 2006 novel, “The Road,” and can imagine his fiction becoming hot stuff in upcoming films. Rightly so. “The Road” is an utterly horrifying post-apocalyptic journey of a man and his son over a barren landscape. You can still catch “No Country” in theaters and you’d be well served to do so. Vault swung and missed cleanly on all three of these. We apologize and promise to think harder as we look into next year.
To leave you on a very good note, some of the best films of the year have come out the latest, so look for these on video sometime in the summer. “There Will Be Blood” is Paul Thomas Anderson’s latest and is getting really good buzz with Daniel Day-Lewis as a turn of the century west coast oil prospector in a film inspired by Upton Sinclair’s novel “Oil!”
Also, Tom Hanks is back with his standard quality effort with “Charlie Wilson’s War,” which is also still in first run theaters.
Will Smith returns to form with what amounts to the third film version of Richard Matheson’s novel. “I Am Legend” follows Vault cult favorites “The Last Man on Earth” (starring Vincent Price back in 1964) and “The Omega Man” (with Charleton Heston in 1971). Last man on earth movies are among Vaults favorites and they also serve as End of column movies.
We’ll see you next week with our annual 2008 Fast Forward where we gaze into the crystal ball and make calls on filmish things to come. Until next time, enjoy!