Driving Me Crazy
In my last “Mike Drop,” I wrote about people who use the internet as a place to whine. Now, it’s my turn to whine about something that drives me crazy!
Far too many people around here don’t drive very well. In fact, it is a situation that is only getting worse. As I was preparing to take my driver’s exam, my dad advised, “Always expect the other driver will do something stupid.” Truer words were never spoken. I witness something stupid nearly every time I leave my driveway. For some drivers, stop signs and red lights are merely suggestions. Others will pull out from a stop sign right in front of you, only to turn in another direction at the very next intersection. No doubt, that quick pullout saved you four or five seconds on your way to your destination!
Though Pennsylvania finally banned hand-held phones while driving, I see it all the time. There’s also the dreaded “double play,” which is phone in one hand, and smoking with the other. I suppose that’s why some car companies offer cars with hands-free driving. Though, given the outcome of those driverless Waymo cars in San Francisco during a power outage, one shouldn’t wait for that to be perfected. Besides, San Francisco is where the famous car chase scene in the movie “Bullitt” was filmed; some of those streets are holy ground. It’s my favorite car chase scene, and not just because Steve McQueen was driving a manual-transmission Mustang GT.
My biggest wailing comes when I see someone driving with a pet in his or her lap. Is Fido going to steer? Maybe he will work the turn signals? Perhaps he wants to listen to some Skynyrd? There can’t be any more of a distraction than that. Justice would be served if Fido were to drop a deuce in your lap. Just sayin.’
I am a devotee of manual-transmission cars. Of course, the Mustang is a stick, but so is my everyday reliable Honda Civic. I even own a t-shirt that reads, “Real Cars Don’t Shift Themselves.” Most of the time, I like driving, so, a stick it is. I get to control all the inputs. Sadly, manufacturers are phasing them out. Yes, today’s automatic transmissions are lightning-quick. I don’t care about that; I’d rather enjoy the complete driving experience. Driving on a twisty road out in the boonies, never more than 60 MPH, rowing through the gears appeals to me. I’ll even turn off the stereo, the better to concentrate. Though, I will absolutely press that button marked, “sport mode.”
This failure to drive well is not just a Clearfield thing; it’s everywhere. Indeed, many neighboring states feature even more feeble drivers. With a major interstate cutting through our area, they often invade our turf. Perhaps the worst of this is that I-80 in our area has become a dangerous road. I completely refuse to drive I-80 in any kind of wet or winter weather. I just wait for the Facebook postings about the accidents there, typically with a big rig. This does reaffirm my belief that some CDL testing centers out there hand out licenses as if they were candy bars.
Every state has some sort of slogan on the bottom of their license plates. I can think of some that belong on neighboring states’ plates.
Ohio: “I’ll drive in the right-hand lane–someday.”
New Jersey: “Don’t bother me; I’m on my cell.”
New York: “Tailgating is a specialty.”
Any Tractor-Trailer: “Es posible que no hablo ingles.”
There is a solution to this; We need to become more German.
Germany has some Autobahn sections with no speed limit (yay!) and they build Porshces and Bimmers that can run 150-plus, so the Germans are very serious about driving. Getting a driver’s license is a process that involves a number of steps, and a good bit of money. First, an eye exam, and a first-aid course. Then, several classroom hours of theory, and behind the wheel with an instructor, on all kinds of roads. Then, the exam. A handful of months, and a couple of thousand dollars later, you have a German driver’s license. Then, you can go ahead and check out the Autobahn, where the tractor-trailers must stay in the right-hand lane (wish we had that here).
We could bring some of that to our own driver testing. I would add one other item: all driver training and testing done in stick-shift vehicles. If you can parallel park with a stick shift, then you deserve a driver’s license. Also, make the license fee $1,000. In other words, all the money up front. No need to pay more when you renew. That way, our high schools could get by with smaller student parking lots; there would be way fewer teens driving to school. Besides, there’s plenty of free student transportation available. I see them every day; they’re yellow and black, and mostly empty. I think that they call them “school buses.”
I love the Sammy Hagar song, “I Can’t Drive 55.” Great song, and he drives a Ferrari BB 512 in the video (his own car). As for the driving dimwits out there, Sammy also wrote a song about a good place for you. It’s titled, “Three-Lock Box.” Amen.
